Hi Everyone,

We just returned from a two-week vacation at "Burning Man." Often, people who are not "burners" ask about why we go. This post has some important After The Honeymoon news, but mostly we will share some thoughts about the relevance of Burning man from an After The Honeymoon perspective (as well as a few pictures).

We returned home from Burning Man to good news. We are now approved to give CEUs to MFTs and LCSWs. So, if you are a masters level therapist, our workshops will not only provide you with the benefits of the latest information about how to maintain passion in relationship and an opportunity to deepen into your relationship, you can receive CEUs! We have not yet managed to get approval for CEUs for psychologists.

Here are some Burning Man reflections about sex and eroticism. While Burning Man is not for everyone, it is different things to different people - desert survival, community development, art, Dionysian ritual, and humongous party. It is a sexually charged environment for anyone who is even remotely paying attention. And it is an environment that precipitates a sense of freedom. On the Playa many couples have come to find conflict in their differences. Some get a temporary playa divorce. Others find a "soul mate" at the Costco soul mate booth. Some cling to one another, some go their separate ways, and some do the difficult work of differentiation. Because, like Alice's Restaurant, you can get anything you want on the Playa, the differences in what individuals want stand in relief. At Burning Man each person must confront how he or she is going to express their self.

The Burning Man festival is an opportunity to explore the difference between eroticism and sex. Although the dust of "Black Rock City" is definitely not conducive to luxurious, or even relaxed sex (though these can be created), it can seem like couples must be having sex in every nook and cranny of the "playa." For example, I have many times come upon a couple making love in one of the small art installations out in the middle of the desert. But, after years of wondering about how and why Burning man is such an erotically charged environment, I have come to believe that the eroticism at Burning Man depends upon sexual limitation as much as the sex.

For me, Burning man has been part of a long lesson in learning the difference between eroticism and sex. As a young man growing up I of course knew about first base, second base, etc. But there was no real appreciation for each "base" as an experience in itself. If you are left standing on second at the end of the game you didn't really score after all. Burning man is a place where you might share a deep and meaningful look, flirtatious conversation with a scantily clad (or just plain naked) beautiful person, a hug, a kiss, a massage, deep conversation about how your childhood effects your sexuality, a dance, or many other permutations of intimacy without any strings attached. Each moment is to be savored for what it is. An incredible art piece in a given moment may be destroyed by the wind. A beautiful day will, in an instant, turn to huddling under a tarp with strangers, white-out conditions making it impossible to move on. An extraordinary temple, like few in the world, will burn, as will many other elaborately constructed projects, and of course the Man. Nothing is permanent. We must find the way to appreciate each moment.

It turns out that eroticism depends on allowing desire to live without expectation. Burning Man is a lesson in how to appreciate the moment, without attachment to the future.

For many people Burning Man is also a place to push the sexual edge of their relationship. We must all find a way to bring excitement into our monogamous relationship if we want to keep the flames of desire licking at the heart of our deepest interest. But going to Burning Man can be a very unconfined way of bringing more sexual excitement to a relationship. Be careful. Felicia and I have been both conscientious, as well as lucky. We have found the way to excitement without severe burns.

After The Honeymoon programs are like, and not like, Burning Man. The surroundings of After The Honeymoon are much more luxurious and relaxing. Differentiation is structured in a way that is less likely to leave burn scars. We work the same edges of eroticism, but do it in a way that support each couple in their relationship. We ease into appreciation of the beauty of our partner through cultivating how we see - and through understanding how quickly life changes, and taking ownership of the pain in our hearts.