October 2007
Timely Tips for Erotic Adventure
It is Halloween next week.
This is the time when, as the pagans say, "the veil between the worlds
is thin." It is a time when there is a focus on relating to
the dead, or, maybe even scary monsters. So what could this season
possibly have to do with nurturing our erotic relationships? Here are
a few ideas.
• Use the acknowledgment of
death as a way to foster an appreciation of life. Too often we
wait until death is virtually on the doorstep before communicating the
most important things to our loved ones. Why not make it an ongoing
practice? Scott Eberle, of The Practice of Living and Dying, calls
this communication "Death Lodge" and suggests the following simple
topics.
-Asking for and receiving forgiveness for
whatever you feel needs to be forgiven. -Specific expressions
of gratitude.
• Dress up for Halloween as
a deeply erotic alter ego and go somewhere together. Use the public
acceptance of costumes as an opportunity to play with your most erotic
selves in an open public way.
• Dress up as any hidden side
of your personality and have a more private party with your lover.
The hidden aspect may bring interesting and exciting twists to your
erotic connection. It could be an opportunity to make explicit
the less socially acceptable sides of each of you that color your lovemaking.
Remember to have clear agreements before you embark. It's also
a good idea to have a clear method for calling a halt or a time out,
without the other taking it personally.
• Take time to imagine the
erotic selves of your ancestors. We don't usually like to think
about how overtly sexual our parents and grandparents were. But
they were, or you wouldn't be here. Sometimes there is shame
and fear around sexuality that we carry which originated in our family
history. Take time to identify that and ask yourself how much
of it you are ready to let go of — for your sake and the sake of your
children, and your children's children.
• It may also be useful to
have an imaginal conversation with your ancestors during this time when
the veil is thin. See what they would advise you to do now about
your relationship. The wisdom of past generations generally supports
using our relationships as vehicles for transformation.
• Consider deeply what it means
to surrender- to your life, to your destiny, to your partner- and find
a way to practice this surrender. The reason that the "veil
between the worlds" is the thinnest now can be understood by imagining
how, in the yearly cycle of plants, seeds have been harvested from mature
plants, and not yet returned to the earth to grow again. During
this vulnerable time, all of the plant's life is contained in that
vulnerable seed — away from the nurturance and support of the sun
and the earth.
We must
all learn how to balance deep surrender to life's cycles with active
pursuit of our desires — mature surrender. The myth of
Persephone and Hades (http://www.goddessgift.com/goddess-myths/greek_goddess_persephone.htm may give you insight into the nature of
mature surrender. All of us find ourselves in situations where
or freedom is limited by others or by circumstances. It is tempting
to feel like a victim at those times. Yet in our maturity we understand
that we must have limitations in order to enjoy freedom. We cannot
have one without the other. Death, as much as I can hate it at
times, makes life sweet. The practice of choosing can help us
appropriately surrender.
You can
reenact the Persephone myth or any other expression of surrender (and
taking what you want) as a sexual experience if you do it skillfully.
Again, remember to have clear agreements and a "safe word" for stopping.
Poem for October
Wanting You - Terra Hunter
Driving north out of town today
through cornfields
and newly plowed patches of earth
looking at the dark rich soil
I wanted you,
wanted you to press yourself into
me
press me into the open field
until my curves
become the contours of the ground
beneath us.
Your arms tight around me
your mouth tender
your tongue insistent
on my lips skin neck breasts
your fingers delicate
along my back
like the wind across the top of the
grass.
I split open
like the earth ripped apart in a
quake
a deep valley suddenly empty
longing to be filled
as if you entering me would bring
us both
into the dark mystery of the earth
herself.
How is it that our two bodies
made only of flesh and bone
ignite with this fire
yet do not burn?
How is it that this cannot last
will disappear into the ether
as our bones will turn to dust
and disappear into the earth?
