While falling in love and having exciting sex often requires little or no work in the beginning, maintaining an enduring passionate partnership requires time, attention and understanding.

The alchemists believed that by taking the raw material of lead and exposing it to the fires of transformation, gold would eventually emerge. Geologists know that coal becomes a diamond only after the application of time and pressure. In these same ways, relationships mature and go through stages. The most meaningful relationships happen when the right conditions are created for transformation.

An essential condition for erotic partnership is that both partners commit to the ongoing process of personal development and to relationship building. Each individual in a partnership must focus on becoming a more effective partner — must actively work on being connected to one's own emotional center, to being authentic and communicating clearly.

Each partner must also cultivate genuine caring and appreciation for the other — a willingness to listen deeply, express gratitude, and provide a secure attachment.

This kind of mutual participation in the work of transformation allows us to work on change together rather than cling to being right or blaming the other for the problem.

Trust is cultivated as each individual appreciates and supports their partner's growth. A positive cycle is created as the safety of trust and connection creates even more ability to risk personal change. As we spiral toward an increase in personal power and collaboration we can risk surrender to the powerful erotic forces that move through us.

These erotic forces are not just sexual. They are sexual, but they are more than that. Each of has a core nature that in our own individual way pulls us into passionate embrace with our partner, moves through us as an interest in family and community, and creates a longing to engage fully in our lives.

We cannot return to the honeymoon stage of relationship (unless we move from relationship to relationship). We can experience ever-deepening erotic satisfaction through participating in the work of transformation together.

Sexual problems often manifest in relationships where couples do not understand how relationships develop, when relationship is not made a priority, when partners blame each other rather than working on themselves, and/ or where there is insufficient skill to process difference. All sexual problems that are not based on an organic issue are manifestations of an individual's psychological make up and/or the dynamics that live between the couple. (Check with your doctor if you have any doubt about the organicity of your issue.) As licensed and experienced psychotherapists, we provide guidance toward the resolution of individual and relationship issues in order to increase sexual satisfaction in an enduring way.

In addition, a satisfying erotic partnership requires that time and attention be devoted to sexual practice. Some basic practices include discussing specific sexual likes and dislikes, developing the art of flirting and romance, and cultivating personal desire. (While hormones — especially testosterone — play a role in the amount of spontaneously-experienced sexual desire a person might have, we must cultivate desire within our long-term sexual partnerships.)

So, cultivating erotic energy in a long-term relationship requires a multifaceted approach that includes personal development, communication, and attention to technique.

And, it is a journey of pleasure. The "work" of constructing an erotic partnership is balanced with the creation of a relaxed and romantic atmosphere, the celebration of sensuality and having fun.

Indeed, we believe that transformation happens in dynamic tension. After the Honeymoon is a place to gracefully hold the dynamic tension of our lives — the tension between masculine and feminine energies, between safety and exploration, personal freedom and emotional connection, working hard and having fun.

This amounts to the creation of an erotic lifestyle that uses the dynamic tension of partnership for the soul's transformation. The environment that we create together and the practices that we engage in together form a sacred container for our lives, an alchemical vessel within which we are transformed.